I thought if I was a good boy, worked hard, and played by the rules then I would get the love and attention I craved. I got good grades, I played sports, I stayed out of trouble. I thought all of that would be enough. Unfortunately, it made me more invisible.
I think I have hit rock bottom again! I’ve been here before. The furniture is a bit dusty, but the space is familiar. It feels like a pattern. Its not a pattern I care to continue. Alas, I am here.
The everyday man goes to a job and trades time for money. The money is exchanged for goods and services to survive and exist in this co-created world we live in. It is simply the accepted way we humans have opted to structure our coexistence.
Who or what determines what belief considered good and/or bad?
Days hold no significance unless a group of people come together to make it so.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
It is my biggest demon. It is what I believe is holding me back from a life of joy and happiness. It is the excuse I use when I cannot get my shit together in my own mind for why life is the way it is.
As I dig deeper and deeper into my neurosis, I then begin to wonder how much of me is broken, how much is common amongst the population, what is fixable and how, and how much is just personality traits that are not completely awkward to be around.
My digestive system is in duress. It feels heavy. I have never wanted a cleanse so bad in my life. I have never done a cleanse. It sounds horrifying. Maybe I just like the idea of flushed insides.
When I was younger, I had big dreams. I believed the lie that all it took was hard work and determination to achieve anything your heart desired. What this little motivational blurb failed to mention was that while your individual perspective is completely under your control, the forces in the external world are not.