My unhealthy relationship with food

I feel like garbage today.

I was likely out in the sun too long yesterday. I likely ate and drank things not in moderation and it is doubtful I consumed a vegetable in any form unless you want to count the onion on the multiple cheeseburgers I ingested.

My digestive system is in duress. It feels heavy. I have never wanted a cleanse so bad in my life. I have never done a cleanse. It sounds horrifying. Maybe I just like the idea of flushed insides.

My wife and I made the mistake of promising our daughter a trip to Bob Evans on Monday late last week. What would usually be the excitement of sugary pancakes, or a meat-laden omelet was replaced with pure dread.

I was not in the mood for anything heavy. Even the thought of salty bacon or melty cheese was making my stomach turn.

I made the decision to do something differently. I ordered like I had never done before. It felt weird. I think my body appreciated it. I cannot be so sure.

My breakfast feast for the first time ever at a restaurant consisted of a three egg-white omelet sans cheese with spinach, tomato, and onion. I had a single piece of whole wheat toast and fruit rather than fried potatoes.

While this may seem completely normal to some— what is normal to me would be a ham and cheese omelet with hash browns and rye toast. Maybe some bacon on the side or small portion of biscuits and gravy.

That was certainly not happening.

I know I did a good thing. It is easy to eat healthy at home but in my mind, restaurants are a treat. It is food meant to be enjoyed. It is food that is a reward. It is food used to bond people together.

Maybe that has been my problem with food all along. Food has always had something attached to it— be it an emotion, a feeling, something to give it more meaning than simply what it is— fuel.

I feel like garbage today because I put nothing but garbage into my body yesterday. It was ok at the time because, you know, ‘Murica’s Birthday! But hell, so not worth it today.

This is part of the long journey I have decided to undertake. In addition to so many other things to live the life I dream to live; I will need to change my relationship with food.