“It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
I have found it difficult to write for the past few months due to this blog previously focusing so heavily on mental illness. From when I hit my lowest point in December 2017 to now, I have become an entirely different person. Akin to a recovering alcoholic dealing with the demons of alcoholism, the struggles of depression and anxiety will always be a part of me, but it no longer defines me.
I felt the need to start anew rather than archive prior posts. I did not remove posts because I am ashamed of who I was, but rather it being no longer relevant to the person I identify as now.
I could no longer see myself posting about “finding myself” or daily struggles with motivation and/or negative thoughts running through my head. I am no longer the angry and toxic person I was. In fact, I cringe when I think about him today. It amazes me the people who tried to befriend me at that time, I treated poorly and pushed away. I was lost, frustrated, and confused. I guess I will always be to an extent, but I accept that now rather than always trying to control it.
I have learned to let go of the past and stop trying to control the future. Some days are easier than others. I’m learning that my connections with people are more important than an image of myself I am trying to control and put out in the world.
I have discovered a lost interest in personal finance and a new fascination with consciousness and biohacking. I consider myself a neophyte in all of these allowing me to dig as deep as I am comfortable with. It is a positive feeling to have interests again.
If you are so inclined, join me on this new journey…