Journey Into Oneself

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There is a common message is always the same, be it coming from religion, psychology, philosophy, or science. That message can only be found from within because it could only be understood when you are ready to receive it. It is the reason why it is packaged up in so many forms. It is universal.

I have studied philosophers, scientists, religious leaders, and even a handful of internet “life coaches” who package up ideas in a trendy way to sell books and online courses. Aside from all of that, there seems to be one constant in the vast array of information I have consumed in the past year—meditation.

I started a meditation practice early in the year. I was not very consistent in the practice nor did I feel as if I had a firm understanding if I was doing it correctly. I wasn’t sure if I was getting any benefit from it. It was merely another tool to help me deal with crippling anxiety and depression at the time.

As the year progressed and I continued to dive deeper into theology, psychology, philosophy, and just about every other -ology in an attempt to figure my shit out, there was always reference to “getting in touch with oneself.”

I have had a few sessions that can only be described as a state of bliss while others left me struggling to quiet the mind the entire time. I have experimented with guided meditations, soft music in the background, and silence.

Sometimes I finish a session with a sense of peace. Other times I have an insight on a problem I am dealing with. There are even times when I wonder if I wasted 20 minutes of my life because I don’t feel like anything came of it.

In the past couple of weeks I have been meditating regularly. I will have a main session in the morning, and smaller sessions during the day as I see fit. I have been taking notes after my main session. I’m not sure what will come of that or if any additional insights will be gained.

It is cliche that a new year is approaching and a slew of changes will be made. I am starting early in trying to get new habits formed. Regular meditation is one of them.

I have much to learn about the practice. I am intrigued by the idea of a meditation retreat one day in the future be it solo, with my wife if she is inclined, or friend(s) who share the interest.

I have told my counselor multiple times I struggle with finding things that interest me. I like the idea of many things but lack a genuine passion that drives me. I never realized that exploration of self was there as a passion all along. The real issue was I didn’t know how. I’ve found the way.

P.

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