Its not how or what, rather why

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How the fuck did I get here?

Can I say fuck? It’s my blog, of course I can say fuck.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Now that we got that out of the way, back to my original question: How the fuck did I get here?

I don’t know! I sort of just let it happen. I stopped giving attention to things, people, and ideas that once were important to me. My world was shook a year ago and I am still picking up the pieces.

It was my fault, I own it. It doesn’t make it any easier to forgive myself and others who played a role. A fucking year, and I have both gotten better and made things worse.

I take my meds and see my counselor. Anxiety is under control. Depression creeps in every so often but I feel it is manageable. Life continues around me. I have a difficult time participating because I still feel so lost and confused.

What the fuck happened to me?

That’s not the right question.

The right question is why did I allow myself to get here?

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