Lobotomy

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The world will continue to exist regardless of my perception.

For the past year I have been focused on mental health recovery and a bunch of new-age belief systems packaged nicely for human consumption. I have brushed aside getting emotionally involved in the political debates occurring in the United States, and while I have my opinions, I don’t feel the need to passionately scream them from the rooftops (or in this day and age, plaster them all over social media platforms).

I enjoy the psychology of “manifesting your desires” but can do without the “magic” that is the allure to many. In accepting that I live in a reality created by my mind in reaction to my environment I can accept that once I have control over my thoughts, I can better control my perceptions. The “ask, believe, receive” mantra made popular by The Secret irks me because it portrays such a simple promise that if I just wish hard enough I can have that new life magically appear in front of me. If it doesn’t happen, I didn’t wish hard enough—so buy a few “companion” resources, attend a seminar or two, maybe a retreat, and definitely that page-a-day “motivational” calendar recommended by Amazon when I was looking to re-order more specialty garbage bags for that fancy trash can someone purchased for us as a wedding gift.

I’m irritated with myself that I have allowed my life to slip out of control again. I have put on weight since losing my job in October and going on medication in December. Fitness was once a big priority of me just a year ago and it is now something I struggle with to stay motivated. I think it may be nearly two weeks since I have last been to the gym. I have eaten ice cream for the past three nights.

Fuck!

I feel like a supporting actor in my own story.

To be a side-note in your own life is not a good place to be.

Is it time to wipe the slate clean again?

What goes? What stays (besides the obvious)? How do I start over?

My family is going on vacation for a week starting tomorrow. I have a week alone to reflect and ponder before “normalcy” returns.

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One comment

  1. There’s no such thing as “wiping the slate clean.” There are things on the slate that you’ve gained along the way that you need and that shape who you are. You can however acknowledge “what is” and choose to take action today. Change begins with little actions. Enjoy your vacation!

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