These past couple of days have been around the time my typical depressive episodes would hit. For the past few months it has almost been like clockwork where my head space would be a complete cluster fuck and it would take me anywhere from 2-3 days to get out of it. This time around I wasn’t completely free and clear but I had two separate episodes that lasted a couple of hours each rather than days at a time.
I believe the biggest difference this time around is the day I had this past Monday. The intentional gratitude for the simple pleasures in life was able to give me enough of a “re-charge” to not have a complete shutdown.
It has been hard to practice intentional gratitude, especially yesterday, but I’m already feeling like I am in a better place today. I want to keep some awareness on this pattern. It may be a cornerstone to my recovery.
On a brighter note I am developing a much greater interest in gardening. Ever since I decided to build the home raised bed for salad greens and herbs I have been doing research into soil composition, layouts, and other topics of the sort. I have such a profound interest in what is referred to as “living soil” that follows organic gardening principles over the use of chemicals and fertilizers to aid in the growing of plants.
I’m developing plans to build additional beds in the years to come and to start composting yard and very basic home waste such as coffee grounds and eggshells. For me the pleasure and joy is coming in the process rather than the idea that I am growing my own food or if I am saving a few dollars on our grocery bill.
Finally I need to develop strategies to get more consistent with exercise and mediation. I am consciously aware this needs to play a greater priority however there is no immediate reward or instant gratification to the processes that allow a genuine habit to form. Its frustrating right now. I’m not sure what to do about it.