Father’s Day, Depression, Gardens, and Smokey the Bear

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Happy Father’s Day to my fellow Dads out there!

There was a time in my life I never thought I would be a father. I was okay with that. It was never a burning desire to have offspring of my own. Nearly 5 years later I could not imagine a life without my little girl in it!

So I just broke free from the mental confines of another depressive episode. My wife was concerned, my daughter was unaffected, and my fitness plan took a hit because I stopped tracking what I ate and made it to the gym a total of twice during the week. I gained 0.2 pounds. It’s not much but I had a gain the week prior as well. I’m not heading in the right direction in that area of my life.

As I said in my post yesterday, I am noticing a pattern of when episodes hit. The are definitely shorter and less intense than before I started treatment but they are still occurring. I need to dive into the why rather than focusing so much on coping mechanisms. I’d rather heal than deal.

I’m still excited about the garden project on the side of the garage. I need to incorporate a bit more “nature” into my life. I like the idea of growing food. For me it serves more purpose than growing pretty plants.

This week I am going to seek inspiration. I feel like I a just a spark shy of starting a fire. I just don’t know if it is candlelight or a raging wildfire at this point when it starts.

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5 comments

  1. Your writing is very compelling, you are very talented. I also think you are very courageous for sharing your story, it is inspirational. Thank you and Happy Father’s Day!

  2. Happy Father’s Day. One thought that struck me as I read: you say you want to put more energy into finding out “why” than in practicing how to cope. To that I want to caution you. With my anxiety, I find myself getting more worn out when I try to ponder the many triggers that I can’t control (the “why”) where I could better spend that time riding the wave and using the skills to make it more manageable. Mental health will never be something we can figure out absolute questions like “why” and “how”. It’s a trial and error experiment and we grow stronger in the process. Take care

    1. I see where you are coming from. I think a part of me wants to understand why this happens especially when another part of me is so aware of it. (If that makes sense). When it comes to the cycles I’m identifying, I’m curious if it is an external trigger or some other internal reason— like a subconscious pattern or something.

      1. You are making sense. It’s likely internal and external. Most problems have a biological, psychological, and social component. The coping paired with new found understanding is how you move past being debilitated by the problem (at least that’s my experience with both depression and anxiety). Glad the episodes are shortening though. That means something is working!

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