I went to the community garden this morning to water and weed the plot. I didn’t go yesterday so skipping another day was not an option, especially since there is only a 40% chance of rain later this afternoon.
When I arrived there was not much change. There were some of those annoying prickly weeds popping up, a tad bit of dryness, a dead leaf on one of the plants, some questioning if the seeds planted were taking, and at the end, the start of a tomato forming.
In the moment I related the garden with my existence these days. It started as a complete mess and an attempt at some structure was introduced. I still don’t know what I am doing but am enjoying the experience through trial and error. There will be some problems along the way and a lot of questions. There will be some things I mess up and others I will do well. And even though I many not know what I am doing, I’m doing something right to yield fruit.
Yeah, I think too much, don’t I? All this before my first cup of coffee!
I’m frustrated in my life right now because I don’t know what I’m doing. There is information overload on just about every topic preaching to do things one way, and voices just as loud preaching the opposite.
I try to follow what resonates with me. Trial and error seems like it sticks better than what society dictates or experts on either side of a belief try to prove. Remembering that everything we deem an experience is all in our mind, helps. Its still hard when you have lived your entire life thinking you could control your environment when all you have control over is your mind.
There is no handbook for when your mindset shifts. Sometimes I wonder if those who are still asleep are happier? Am I lucky to be awake albeit confused? Is this what amnesia feels like, but at a higher level?