It was a rough week to say the least. When I thought I had control over depression and anxiety an episode popped up midweek to remind me I still have work to do to keep it manageable. The episode did not last as long as usual. For that I am grateful. I’m especially grateful I no longer feel like I must hide it from the world. I’m no longer ashamed by the fact I suffer from disorders that have such a social stigma despite its prevalence in society.
In my counseling session yesterday I brought up how I still struggle with an overwhelming amount of mental clutter. I used props from his desk to explain, he found that amusing. I hoped it painted a clearer picture. I believe I got my explanation across successfully.
I talked about how it would be ideal for me to live the life of a minimalist. A more simple life just having what you use. I dislike having to waste energy on too much choice.
I used my wardrobe as an example. I have a small number of clothing choices primarily in black, grey, and navy. I have a pair of jeans, and a pair of dress pants. I have a pair of khaki shorts and a pair of shorts in a shade of Air Force blue.
I love the fact my wardrobe is simple and I don’t need to pay much thought to what I will wear for the day. It drives my wife batty that there is not much color. Options work for her, not necessarily for me.
I’m also coming to realize minimalism can be individual. Because I share a home with another adult and a 4-year-old child, neither of whom share my belief that less “stuff” will create a greater life experience my dream of full-on simplification will never come to fruition.
I can simplify that which I have control over, such as my wardrobe, my personal (not shared) possessions, and even the choices I give myself. I feel we live in an age where choices are out of control. When I worked at Whole Foods there were literally 60 different kinds of olive oil on the shelf. Just olive oil! Some may like having those options. Someone who deals with anxiety everyday, not so much.
My other dream of having the financial means to educate my daughter independently (my wife is a teacher) while traveling the world and experiencing different cultures first hand. Perhaps write a blog/vlog on how to travel the world with children for income to continue to live that experience. Unfortunately time takes means and means take time. It is a paradox I have yet to break.
When I started this blog just over a month ago (April 23, 2018) I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted out of life. I felt alone, out of touch, and a little bit hopeless. I still have some of those feelings but just existing on a daily basis is less of a struggle. I truly believe I have the ability to live my dream life once I can figure out how to start.