I have written about thinking in terms of feelings rather than things but I have failed in practice recently when it comes to my own life. Like so many other situations, the old saying “easier said than done” holds truth.
So I will try a little exercise not knowing where it will lead me beforehand. Here goes:
What do you want to feel?
I want to feel excited about my life. I want to wake up in the morning eager for what the day holds. I want to look forward to getting out of bed to get started. It has been so long since I have felt that kind of raw passion for life.
Why do you want to feel that way?
I feel stagnant on so many levels. I lack passion and motivation. It is easy to use mental illness as an excuse, but in all actuality through my recovery process I am building skills on how to deal with these damaging thought forms.
How do you intend on getting there?
And this is always where I get stuck. I simply don’t know how to live without feeling guilt for not being “productive” enough, frustrated because I don’t know what my passions are, anxious because I am afraid what tomorrow might bring, depressed because of the bad things that happened to me in my past. I feel lonely because I have acquaintances rather than friends, unmotivated when progress toward goals rolls along at a snail’s pace.
I wish someone would come in and give me a step-by-step instruction manual on how to get my head on straight. I wish my head was not so damn cluttered.
I need a map.
Will that really help if I don’t know where I am going?