My life has a way of catching me in a trap. Rather than improving my quality of life I tend to focus my attention on maintaining. This can be seen in my physical reality by going through the motions of daily chores and habits as well as in my mind by running around in circles trying to figure out what I want out of life rather than actually moving forward.
It gets even more frustrating when I become even more aware of the problem but do very little to fix it.
Two specific areas that are holding me up from living my best life are overcoming social anxiety and clearing mental clutter.
Its odd when it comes to social anxiety. If I have a purpose I am fine in a social situation, If I am simply in a group with no agenda or expectation, that is where I struggle. I am completely fine in a work situation but put me in a gathering of acquaintances and I’m the quiet and angry-looking guy in the corner.
In terms of mental clutter, if you were able to peek into my mind, you would witness this week’s episode of Hoarders. This may be why I appreciate lists and organization in my physical reality so much. It may be why I am drawn to simplicity and minimalism. The less I feel responsible for the less the clutter in my mind becomes so overwhelming.
I’ll bring this up to my counselor this week. I’m afraid he will tell me once I am employed all my worries will fade away and life will be perfect again. Yes, I’m still holding on to the disappointing session I had last time and that is unfair. I struggle with letting go as well. I’ll add that to my list of talking points.
In the mean time I’m going to focus my attention for the rest of the day on one simple question:
How do you want to live?