It is time to make some changes again. Stagnation has entered into my daily life and it is taking a toll on my overall well being. I am falling into the same pattern of running on autopilot.
I’m very good at this. It is easy. Easy takes the pressure off. No pressure limits anxiety.
Unfortunately this doesn’t always work because simple tasks like putting the bins containing Easter decorations back in storage don’t get done. More simple tasks pile up. My environment gets cluttered. I start a mental list of more tasks to complete. It becomes overwhelming. I fall back into my daily routine to quiet my mind.
The cycle continues until something breaks.
My patterns are obvious, even to myself. It is so hard see when I am in the middle of it.
I woke up this morning with the exact same feeling I had the week prior, and the week before that. I knew that if I did not catch myself this week would run the exact same way as each one has for the past few months.
I’m not living my best life. Knowing each day is a blessing and time is the greatest gift of all, I’m wasting so much of it by keeping my mind cluttered with maintaining my current mundane experience rather than creating a new one.
The excuse I keep telling myself is that I don’t know where to start. While that is true, I do not know where to start—I’m never going to start if I don’t just do. I’m never going to know where to start. I will continue thinking about it without ever taking action. Nobody is going to come to me and give me step-by-step instructions on how to get my act together.
Perhaps this is another one of those situations where I need to have faith in a plan I don’t have complete control over. Perhaps I need to just do and see where the pieces fall.
I can’t end up in a place any worse than feeling like I am merely existing again.