Hi! I’m Paul and welcome to my world!
Never in a million years did I think I would be publicly writing a post on meditation.
I had always believed meditation was something devotees of Eastern spirituality or super-fit and attractive 20-something females did to keep that “trendy” vibe going. Or is that yoga? In any case, it was all one in the same to me.
Early on in my unemployment and revitalized lust for learning that came with recovery, I stumbled across the mention of meditation in a multitude of my readings. Again, my impression of it was not something a chubby, bald, bearded, and tattooed man who just turned 40 did, yet alone daily. I suppose Buddha was chubby and bald, so perhaps it was a sign all along.
For all my ignorant mind knew at the time, I was supposed to sit with my legs crossed in an uncomfortable manner, my fingers pinched, muttering “Ohm” while taking deep breaths and thinking about nothing. I was already dealing with anxiety and depression, why not add delusions to the list when I was to meet with my psychiatrist again to talk about my medications.
I went into full-scale nerd mode and began watching YouTube videos, downloading free apps on my iPhone, and slowly started learning more about meditation. To this day there is so much I want to learn about the various types and styles of meditation, but I found keeping it simple as I begin my life-long practice will be the most rewarding.
My first time I did a simple guided meditation on YouTube. I had no idea what to expect or if I was even doing it right. I found it difficult at times to stay focused during the periods of reflection on my breathing in order to clear my mind. When it was over I did feel a bit more relaxed than I had before I started but I was committed to do it again, the people who wrote the books were smarter that me and they seemed to believe it was worth it.
So I did it again, and again, and again. That helped me to develop a process when I “go it alone.” meaning I meditate in complete silence or with light, relaxing music playing in the background.
I’ve been practicing for a couple of months now. Some sessions I have a difficult time staying focused while in others I am met with bursts of inspiration. Each time, however, I am able to quiet my mind just enough to give me a taste of inner peace.
I still have so much to learn and it truly excites me. I love how it makes me feel, and isn’t feeling ultimately the foundation of everything?