Hi! I’m Paul and welcome to my world!
Perhaps one of the earliest discoveries on my path to recovery from overwhelming anxiety and depression was the role my own mind played in how I perceived the world around me. Because of my low self-esteem I felt the need to control my environment which in turn led me to greater frustration if situations did not go my way. Quite simply, it was a horrible way to life. Looking back on my situation now, I sometimes think I was surviving on sheer determination and stubbornness alone.
The foundation to my discovery was this simple:
You are not the voice of the mind but rather the one who hears it.
Too often I identified myself with my story combined with the opinions of others. That person was Paul, right? Because I believed I was more self-aware than that I knew that wasn’t necessarily true. There was this little voice in my head that would give me advice, analyze every situation, and process every stimulus my senses took in. As I type this I’m worried some of you will think I need to get checked out for more issues than just my diagnosed disorders, but I know that “voice” is universal. I hope. Right?
It’s in my nature to analyze everything so if I were to identify with the voice inside my mind, who or what is hearing that voice, and why is it speaking English?
Philosopher Rene Descartes stated “I think; therefore I am” but if you were to stop thinking, say through deep meditation where the mind is silenced, does one cease to exist?
Certainly I am more than the body I possess and the thoughts I think, but who or what is that?